No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
