meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
