If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
