sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
