OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
