Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
