We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
