Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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