Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
