If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
