I hope mine doesn't look like that
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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