I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
