doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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