I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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