Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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