How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
