I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
