Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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