We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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