So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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