I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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