Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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