apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
