The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
