I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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