hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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