just survived the first fart of the relationship.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
