I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need water and some morals
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
