That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
