There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
