I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
