I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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