So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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