Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
