dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
