i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
