I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
