so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
