He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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