why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
