Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
