This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
