i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
