we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
