Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
