shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
