I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
