I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
