Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
