wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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