I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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